it’s very frustrating being a girl and trying to flirt with other girls like. you tell them, ur cute. ‘Aw thank you’ no. no i’m being gay with you. homo intended. damn it
I’ve gotten a couple questions lately about my experiences with OCD and rather than making separate answers, it’s just easier to make this a text post for future reference.
It’s really hard for me to remember when I first showed symptoms of OCD because my parents have said that I started my rituals when I was five or six years old. For some reason I had a phobia of thunderstorms and I was raised in the South, so storms aren’t that uncommon during the Spring and Summer months. But no matter the season, I constantly had to look out windows to make sure that the sky looked “safe” to me. I can distinctively remember going into a full-blown panic attack in second or third grade because it a storm rolled in and I hadn’t been able to perform my ritual due to class activities. I was undiagnosed at the time so literally no one understood why I was reacting like this. Kids are little shits and I got picked on a lot for it.
I was diagnosed with OCD at 10 years old and that diagnosis has stood since then. Really my storm-related phobia was the only drastic ritual that I had. Now I get uneasy during storms but I don’t spend my days window checking and worrying if it’s going to storm. I still get tense during thunderstorms but I don’t have panic attacks because of them. The psychiatrist treated this with CBT and medication (Zoloft).
I still have rituals but they don’t completely interfere with my life. Usually they don’t make me late or anything. I have to wash my hands if they feel dirty to me or else I feel as if my whole body is dirty. I get uncomfortable if I have to deal with odd numbers. A number has to end in an even number or 5 or else I feel that it’s “unlucky” and is sort of like some omen. I have a lot of perfectionist tendencies that stem from me fearing that if I’m not in control of my life that something bad will happen to me. At this point I’m a chronic worrier and always obsessed with life’s “what if” moments.
If I can’t perform a ritual, I will start panicking. Relieving the anxiousness by acting on my compulsion is what temporarily makes me feel better. I started out with a moderate case of OCD. Compared to what it was like when I was a kid, it’s quite mild now. I’ve heard of people who begin with mild cases of OCD exhibiting minor symptoms if the disorder after being in treatment for a while. It’s all dependent upon the person.
I can’t stress enough how high the rates of depressive and bipolar disorders (formerly known as mood disorders) being comorbid with anxiety disorders like OCD are. Learn the symptoms of these disorders and monitor yourself for them. Self-diagnosis is not a horrible thing. There’s just a lot of people that go around claiming to have uncommon/rare disorders that give self-diagnosis a bad name. You know your behavior best. If you notice sharp changes in your behavior—ESPECIALLY SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, IDEATION, AND PLANS—please reach out and get help for those symptoms as well. Anxiety disorders and depressive/bipolar disorders have biological and neurotransmitter factors in common, that’s why the disorders have high comorbidity rates. From experience I can say that the stress of OCD has made my depression worse some days, and others my OCD exhausts my mental state so much that I’m more susceptible to a depressive episode. I’ve been more anxious than usual before during depressive episodes. Having OCD and major depression is a struggle when I’m in my low points. But diagnosis and reaching out for proper help is key here. Treatment plans help so much and that’s why I’ve been able to make the progress that I have in the past nine-ish years.
I’m just really depressed and it’s hard to think of things as being okay when everything hurts so bad right now
Here’s some examples to start you off-
- Confess! Are you turned on by [insert kink here]?
- Confess! Do you like [insert name here]?
- Confess! Is it true that you once [insert odd/silly activity here]?
- Confess! Are you scared of [insert fear here]?
- Confess! Did you cry during [insert movie here]Or think of your own! Be as cunning as you like…
why the fuck not
people who scream when the teacher turns off the lights